I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
