Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
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