If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
