I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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