Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
