I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
It's just like the Real World with babies
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
