You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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