I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
