did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
