Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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