she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
