Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
