oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
