As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
