highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
