I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
