Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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