So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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