just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
