nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
