wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
