Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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