The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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