He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
