It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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