Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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