I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
