This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
How does it feel to date your dad?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
