you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
