just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
