I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
