Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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