If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
The adults are the big ones right?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
