yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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