You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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