never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
i out mim tonsoeep
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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