I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
