i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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