my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
