k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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