I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
