Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
