what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
i now understand why vodka
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
