He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
