they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
