Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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