i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
