So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
