Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
