i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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