she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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