you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
