Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I checked into jail on foursquare
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
