My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
