Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
