I feel like abortions should bother me more
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
