You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
we're so committed to being not committed
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